yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
