whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
