I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize