Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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