i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
