This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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