She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
