she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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