I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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