You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize