JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
