Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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