hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
