Where did you get a picture of my penis
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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