Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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