On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
