o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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