Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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