I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
