everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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