From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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