I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
