Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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