so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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