I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
