wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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