thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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