i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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