Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
