Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
