I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
