i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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