did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.