I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out