a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
