I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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