Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
