We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
