fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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