I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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