don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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