New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
