How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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