we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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