Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
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