Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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