the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
