if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
