Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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