I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
