Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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