they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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