i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
