i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
