I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
