The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
