creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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