I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
