I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
