We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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