my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the raccoons are back...
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