oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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