Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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